Enlightment by Shotgun

Last week my favorite jeans ripped around my thigh in much the way that Hulk's pants rip in the Incredible Hulk; impressive really, the way those jeans just ripped apart, with sound even, but I didn't exactly revel in the impressiveness of it, instead it just really reminded me that I really needed to get my booty in the gym. I also got out all my winter sweaters to find that they had all shrunk while they were sleeping in their Rubbermaid tubs all summer and fall. So I went shopping. I am not a big shopper of clothes. I like to buy accessories, but not really clothes. The process of choosing which items to try, and then taking my clothes on and off several times in a row, and then looking at myself in the dimly lit rooms, or the overly bright rooms with really loud music, just to find out the item doesn't fit makes me cranky, again reminding me of how much time I am not spending in the gym.

Anyway, I came home kinda cranky, and D was watching a video. He asked me if I heard of it as it was on NPR earlier that week and I said no. So he showed me. I cried, and I cried hard. The video is about a guy who is a 30 year old videographer who finds out he has Lou Gehrig's disease, and has 2-5 years to live, and his story about how he began living when he got it, or "enlightenment by shotgun". He drinks beer and coffee through his feeding tube, and his dream was to have a baby with his girlfriend. The video I saw was when he sees his baby, and he can't hold his baby because his arms don't work, and the mom held the baby up to his cheek. It was so incredibly powerful, tears just poured out of me.

I cried because I was sad for him and happy that he got to see his baby, and sad and guilty for getting upset about the stupid pants. I mean, does any of that trivial crap even matter? Not really, and I am thankful that I got to see this guy and his journey and just remember how precious life is..